Skip to main content

Sunday Word Sermon: Be Still My Heart

I'm writing this post from a hospital bed, anxiously waiting to get out of this sterile room and home with my family. My heart gave us all a minor scare, but I'm happy to report that I will be okay with less stress, baby aspirin, and rest. As the doctor said, "your body can't fight anything if it's full of stress. That virus found where it needed to go, and wrapped itself around that heart of yours."
The poetic irony of me being admitted  because of a sick heart on the anniversary weekend of my brother's death is not lost on me, believe me. This year is indescribable and I feel every minute of it was making sure everyone else was okay. In doing so, I ignored my own healing. The longer it was ignored, the larger the wound grew. Being consumed by stress and worry for everyone else left me no time to focus on my own healing. I'm taking this ironic infection and learning from it.
 I'm letting go of expectations, things I cannot change, and the stress that made room for this virus to invade the chambers of my heart. I am demanding some serenity within my soul and it can only start with me. My heart has endured, indeed, but it has also survived hurt I never imagined. 
However, this little warning my heart gave me is one I'm taking very seriously. This scared me. Being hooked up to so many machines, undergoing so many tests revealed only half of the problem. My diagnosis is only a part of the story, the other part cannot be seen in the Ultrasound or monitored on the EKG. The other part has no pill to take, it is up to me now to control my own healing. 
We are not the best in our society of putting ourselves first. Family and work almost always comes first. Seeing the fear in my children's eyes yesterday when they came to visit me struck me to the core. I cannot put their healing first if I'm still broken inside. In no way will I ignore them, but rather, we will heal together side by side. 
I cannot write this post without a sincere thank you to the amazingly caring humans we have in our circle. This year, although horrific, has shown us how lucky we are to have so many people that love us. There will never be adequate words to express our gratitude. We've felt every ounce of love and concern and they've embraced us with such ferocity and encouragement. A million thanks. May everyone enjoy this beautiful Sunday. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Big Magic Moment 

I just finished Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Big Magic” and in it she talks about how the universe serves up magic and mystery all the time if we are open to it. In recent months, I’ve had some seriously big magic that made me believe in the mysterious magic of the universe. I have to go back years (okay, decades) to my sophomore year of college. I was stuck in the mire of indecision about my major. Accepted into the well known business school, my path was set but, it was not serving me well. I hated the classes, was bored to tears, and cringed at the thought of sitting at a desk looking at numbers the rest of my life. Numbers have never been my thing, but I had the grades to land a spot in the Accounting major. I slogged through because the prospect of having a job right after graduation was my carrot. My heart, though, was within the pages of books in my literature courses. I had a few of them in my beginning years and I’d pass on the finance homework just to read one more page. I’ve alway…

A Gift in the Gym Locker Room

On Saturday, I completed the balance of my shoulder tattoos. On my right shoulder, I have a morning glory for my paternal grandmother and now on my right shoulder, I have a daisy for my maternal grandmother. Both women meant the world to me and inspired me to be the person I am today. They were both humble, hard working, and hilarious. They guided me through life and they continue to do so in their absence. Having them both on my shoulders is a little reminder for me to forge ahead. 
Every Monday, I head to the gym for a long workout. If I'm being honest, I mainly go so I can sit in the sauna after my workout. This morning, after my 10 minutes of scorching nirvana, I headed back to my locker to get my shower stuff. An older woman stopped me and said, "Oh my goodness, your tattoos are so beautiful." I thanked her and she continued, "I made a promise to myself when I made it to 80, I'd get a tattoo." I smiled and answered the usual questions I get from peopl…

Styling a Family Photo Session Around my Son

A few weeks back, we decided to do a mini session with a photographer. I take a lot of pictures of my kids but it had been almost four years since we had family photos done. We had the pleasure of working with a local photographer, Tracey Westgate. She was lovely, affordable, and we had quite a few laughs. I was both excited and dreading it for one reason, my son will only wear active wear. I'm not kidding. There are no button downs, no nice shirts, only athletic wear. Yes, I could force my child into a shirt, but I'm not that kind of parent. Being my third child, I've learned what battles to fight and to be honest, I don't want a snapshot of what I want him to wear, I want a snapshot of who he is right now.
That being said, there is one "nice" shirt and pants that he decided on wearing and I had to go around that outfit. The shirt was gray, the pants were burgundy. Totally workable.
 Rather than match the kids, we coordinated them. Each of them had a simila…