The Week From Hell

Where do I even begin?! This week was nothing short of shitty. Let me count the ways:
1. Antique front door window shattered, resulting in this beautiful cardboard replacement
2. High winds brought a tree down on our garage, causing major đŸ¤‘ structural damage 
3. My brother's 18th birthday. Birthdays are hard, I miss him so much more because his birthday brings a flood of emotions that are not easy. Losing someone so young makes milestones like turning 18 so heartbreaking. The memories are one thing, but when the waves of possibilities come, my body explodes with sorrow. We had a long talk with the kids and they asked if it was okay that they never "got over" his death. My answer was, of course, we never will. Life will carry on, we will do our best, but this grief will always be a resident in our hearts and that is okay. Just look at him, there are no words how much I miss him, none at all. 
4. My health. Ever since I had Pericarditis, my body has not been the same. My immune system is weak and as it goes, once they start monitoring you, they discover things. I'm a bit exhausted of blood being taken, parts being prodded, and holding my breath with worry waiting for various results. 
Now, for the good, in all this bad:
1. I'm writing again and it's getting out there. I've been offered a monthly contributor writing gig at Her View From Home and a very personal essay was posted over at The Ma Books
2. I'm learning to say no. I had plans to do a reading this weekend with an amazing group of women, but I'm just spent from this week. I'm learning to put my needs first and listen to that small whisper of exhaustion in my soul. It's not easy, but it's vital. 
3. Lastly, I got through this week because I laughed more than I cried. I nearly wet my pants laughing with my mother as we swept up all the broken glass and rather than stress about the garage, I shrugged and thanked the heavens we have insurance. Because, really, crap is crap and no amount of stress is worth missing the small snippets of light in the darkness, like my middle daughter writing an essay that her big sister is her hero. I'll take all this shit for that essay.

This is how I'm ending my week: red wine, Vogue, DIY black and white mani (representative of my shit week), and the Ray Charles tribute airing on PBS. Cheers to these weeks to remind us of our strength, our humor, and our resiliency. Happy weekend, my friends.


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